Disney Magical Mindset Podcast

What You Avoid Controls You (A Disney Mindset Shift)

• Ruben R. Rios • Episode 66

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0:00 | 20:21

What if the thing you’ve been avoiding is the very thing shaping your life?

In this episode, I’m getting real about something I’ve been walking through personally, stepping into writing my first book and facing the discomfort, doubt that came with it.

Because the truth is avoidance feels like relief in the moment, but over time, it builds fear, procrastination, and keeps us stuck.

Through stories from Walt Disney, lessons from Disney characters, and a shift that changed everything for me, we’re talking about what it really looks like to stop avoiding and start stepping into who you’re meant to become.

If you’ve been putting something off, this might be the nudge you need.

Helping you reimagine what's possible and step into it! 

Welcome And The Core Truth

Ruben

Hey reimagineers, welcome back to another episode of the Disney Magical Mindset Podcast. And today, I want to talk about something that's been hitting me personally this week. It wasn't something I read or something I studied, it's something that I'm actually walking through right now. And it's this what you avoid controls you. I'm gonna say that one more time. What you avoid controls you. You'll often hear me talking about how uh we can't control other people's opinions. We can't control what other people think of us, we can only control our response. But let's focus in today on what might actually be controlling you and me. And that's avoidance. It's not fear, it's not failure, it's it's avoidance. Because here's what avoidance feels like. In the moment, it's like relief. If I avoid that, if I run away from it, which I know a lot about because I've seen that in in my life. Uh, if if I were to just run and avoid, it feels, you know, uh like relief in that moment, but it quietly builds something underneath the surface. You know, fear, doubt, or procrastination, even shame. And before you know it, the very thing you've been avoiding or running away from starts running your life. So we're gonna we're gonna get into it today. Are you ready? Because here we go. You ever notice how this works? It's like being at Disneyland. All right, so go with me there. Let's let's go to Disneyland. You're you're standing in front of a ride. Let's say it's Space Mountain. Because we can experience Space Mountain uh in Disneyland or uh Walt Disney World Magic Kingdom, but the Space Mountain in Disneyland is way better. And you want to ride it, right? But you hesitate. You start thinking, I don't know. What if it's too intense? Maybe I'll do it later. And so you end up walking away. Some of you, you've been there before, you you've experienced that. I remember uh with my kids, you know, when they were younger, we we experienced that with our son. In fact, I think we we got him on Space Mountain a little too early, and he was like done with roller coasters for a little bit, but now, you know, he loves them. Um, so you just you know, you're there and you just walk away because you're like, I just I don't know, I I can't do this. And at first, it feels good. Like there's this feeling inside, there's this comfort that that comes along with with walking away. And you're like, I dodged it, I'm good. But here's the crazy, interesting, amazing part. The ride didn't get scarier, it didn't. You you you just made it bigger in your mind, and every time you pass it, you kind of feel it. You feel that tension, that pull because you didn't face it, you fed it. And I know exactly what this was like because for many, many years I didn't ride um in the Incredi Coaster over in DCA, California Adventure, uh, when actually it was at one point California screaming, and I didn't ride it. I was so scared. Every time I saw the hill, the drop, I was like, I can't do it. I avoided it. I avoided it. In fact, I remember there was a time when I was like going to go. I I was I was psyching myself, you know, out or pumping myself up. Everybody was like, come on, you could do this. And then I got close and I avoided it. I walked away. I was like, I can't do this, it's too intense. And there was this relief that came with walking away, but there was also this sense that I'm missing out. You do you know that tension? And and I know, listen, I'm not trying to say that you've got to ride the scary rides. I'm trying to just make a point or an illustration to help us understand this better, that that's exactly the way it feels like in life. You walk away, you avoid, and in the moment it feels good. There's this comfort, you like it, but then you start thinking in the back of your mind, what if I went on? What happens if I do avoid this? Or what am I missing out on? And I'm telling you, it feels like that. I certainly felt like that. And this is exactly how avoidance works in life. It it really avoid something uncomfortable, you're not escaping it, you're strengthening it. Yeah. So when you avoid it, you know, it feels like you're escaping it, but you're actually strengthening the thing that you're avoiding. So you're avoiding the hard conversation, and now it's heavier next time. You avoid starting the thing, um, and now it feels even bigger tomorrow. You know, and so you avoid stepping into who you're called to be. Now you start believing that you can't. And here's the part we don't always realize avoidance doesn't just keep you safe, it keeps you stuck. And so you're in this cycle, and you can't seem to sometimes get out of it because you keep avoiding, you keep strengthening the thing that you're avoiding, and you keep missing out on what's waiting for you because you keep avoiding it. And oh my goodness. All right, so so so let me bring this closer to home. Uh uh, for me, let me let me tell you how this spoke to me this week. Yeah, so I've been I've been living this out in a real way. I love speaking, it's one of the things that I I feel I did something happens, right? Um, when you are speaking um and sharing life with people and encouraging and inspiring others. You put me in front of people, and I'm good. I love my podcast. I can hit record, share what's on my heart, and I just go for it. And so thank you so much for being here, for listening, and taking time out of your day. I I'm I'm always just encouraged by the these moments that we share where I get to bring you the magic and help you experience it in your everyday life. But writing a book, yeah, man, that hits different. It just hit different. There's no crowd, there's no instant feedback, there's no energy in the room. You know what I mean? And it's just you and the page. And if I'm being real with you, there's been this little voice in my head saying, You're not a writer, Ruben, you're not a writer. That's not what you do. Stick with what you're good at. And for a minute, I gotta be honest, man, I started believing it. Isn't that crazy how we can we can do that? Like our minds can can feed us these lies and and we've gotta we gotta capture it. It's what I've been talking about. It you know, we we we've gotta cancel it and we gotta replace it. And and that's what I had to do because in that moment, it it you start believing it, you know, and and you start wondering, well, well, maybe I'm not. And and you start avoiding and you start saying, well, you know, I don't have to do this, or let me just walk away, or you know what, it's not gonna hurt if I don't write a book. I'll do something else. I'll just do what I do well, what I'm comfortable with, what I know how to do, which is to, you know, you motivational speak. Like you put me in front of people, like just uh I will speak my heart out. I love to do that. So guess what? I tried to avoid it. At least I I I I was I was thinking I was, you know, I started um, you know, I was just busy with everything else. All right, podcast, let's go. We gotta do that every single week. You know, reels, my social media, let's do this. I love it. You know, speaking all day, let's go, man. I I I love to do that. But the book, yeah, I just kept pushing it off. And then when I when I started, I was like, I can't do this. You know, I just felt like that. And and it felt productive because I was doing everything else. I was like, hey, look at everything else I'm doing. I'm I'm doing my podcasting. Like I got my social media, my reels that I love to do. I'm speaking. And so I kept pushing everything else off because it feels like I'm actually, you know, I'm it's not that I'm not doing anything, right? I am, I actually am. But deep down, I actually knew what I was doing. I wasn't lacking ability, I was avoiding discomfort. And this is where my friend, my mentor, Jeff Barnes, Dr. Disneyland, he just spoke life to me. And you've got to have those people in your life who will tell you like it is, who will reel you in and who will push you because we need that. And I'm so grateful for the conversation I had with him. And he reminded me, and he told me, here's what's happening. I can tell you exactly what's happening is what he said. You're avoiding. You are living in your comfort zone. And so the idea of writing, the idea of putting uh your words on paper, the idea of writing a book, it feels uncomfortable. It doesn't feel safe. So doing what I know to do, that's comfortable. Just like so many of you. We we like to stay in that place, in that space because it's safe. But healing and growth and success all require leaning into the discomfort. That's that's where the magic is. And I know it doesn't sound like it and doesn't even feel like it in the moment, but that's where it happens. Because we often avoid and we run and we don't stay in that in that discomfort long enough to to experience, you know, the magic that comes from it because we end up, we end up leaving or we end up saying, I'm not gonna do it. And we just avoid it. But when you stay in that discomfort and you come out of that, I mean, how do you feel when you when you accomplish or you conquer that discomfort and you and you start building this courage and and you start building this like excitement, right? This confidence because you're like, wow, I did that. Now look at what else I can do. And you just keep building and building and building because you know that you stayed in the discomfort long enough that it created this this uh resistance in you and this strength in you to give you the belief and the confidence and the power to know, man, I can do anything. And that only happens when you allow yourself the ability to sit in the discomfort instead of run away from it. And you've got this. You have experiences, you have stories yourself where you could you can encourage me by by the discomfort that you sat in. And I'm just I want to encourage you today that so often we want to just leave and and I want to remind you that that's where the success and the growth and the healing takes place in that discomfort. I know it doesn't feel good in the moment. I know it doesn't even feel safe sometimes. Of course, we want you to be safe, right? I'm not trying to, we don't want your life in danger. You know what I mean. But I I just I know something happens there. And and I think of Walt Disney. It's hard not to, right? Because because remember, uh look at his life. I mean, if there was somebody that knew what it was like to be in the challenges and the hardships, and in fact, he he uh he one time said like he didn't know he he wouldn't know what to do without the hardships like in life. It's like he almost expected it because it it built something in him. And I remember reading how he said he he felt like like a Merlin. You know, the Merlin from The Sword and the Stone, you know, taking crazy chances, making mistakes, but trusting that the winds would come. I love that. Just believing that, yeah, I know I'm gonna make mistakes. I'm gonna take those crazy chances, but I'm confident that the wins are gonna come. They're gonna come because I'm putting myself in a position of discomfort. Like I'm I'm putting myself in a place where it might not feel good in the moment, you know. Think about Disneyland, building Disneyland in one year. What? Are you kidding me? All the stress that must have come with that, with that, but yet he does this. In fact, um, he even said, I've made bad decisions. I've made bad ones. He knows this. He's he's made mistakes, but he didn't stop. He didn't wait until he felt ready. He kept stepping forward, uncomfortable, uncertain, but moving. And that's one of the reasons why you, like me, many of us, we love Disneyland. Because it wasn't built from comfort. You know, the the beautiful documentary, I keep going back to that, you know, Disneyland handcrafted. I mean, it tells the story of discomfort. It tells the story of what happens when you choose to believe that in the discomfort there is magic. When you when you confidently say, you know what, I could stay comfortable. Walt could stay. He could have said, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna do films, I'm gonna do animated films, that's all I'm gonna do. But he decided, no, I've got to do this. And it's gonna be uncomfortable at first and it's gonna be stressful, but I know that something good is gonna come out of this. Can you imagine if he decided to stay comfortable all his life? We wouldn't have the things we have today from Walt if he chose to avoid everything. And man, thank you, Whoa. Thank you. And and that's why I'm inspired, and that's why I share what I share because I know Disneyland wasn't built from comfort, it was built from courage, and that's the difference. That's the magic. This is what happens when you decide that you're gonna get a little uncomfortable sometimes to get you to where you want to go. You want success, you want the healing, you want the growth. Stop avoiding discomfort. Woo! And you see it all over Disney stories too. The Disney movies and the characters that we love. Think of Simba. You know, one of the greatest uh movies, uh animated films from the 90s. I mean, but he's he's running from his past. You know, Simba, the Lion King is running from his past. He he runs away and he runs and he avoids, he keeps going because he doesn't want to address the reality of of what was presented to him, which wasn't even true. That somehow his uncle fed him the lie that he was responsible for his father's death. And so he runs and he avoids, and it controlled him, didn't it? It controlled him until finally he decided, I'm not gonna avoid anymore. I gotta go back because I'm the rightful king. What about Moana? She tried to ignore the ocean. She she was saying I can't be out there. She was listening to parents, there's no way, like I can't go out there to be part of this ocean, which a movie, uh live action's coming up too. I can't wait to watch that. She tried to ignore it. But what happens? Well, she felt incomplete until she decided I can't avoid it anymore. I gotta go. I gotta go out there. I know what my my family says, I know there's comfort on this island, but I gotta go. And and look at Hercules. He had to step into the training. He had to step into the training before he became who he was meant to be. There was that there was no longer trying. You had to step into the training because that's the discomfort sometimes. Yeah, it doesn't feel good when you hit that gym and you get sore and you go at it every single day. It doesn't feel good to train because there's a lot of discomfort that comes from it. But look at what happens when you stay in it. Oh my goodness. Look at what happens. That's when everything changes. It was the moment they stopped avoiding what they were meant to face. And let me just remind you, because someone needs to hear this: 95% of the things that you want in life are things that you can create if you're willing to work hard, be consistent, disciplined, and patient. Very little about your life is is fixed in stone. So when we have the discomfort and those moments that that you know don't don't feel very comfortable, you gotta see this as not something that's stopping you from doing what you what you uh know you can do and what's in you that I believe is in you. But listen, if you want it, you can do it. You have more in you than than I think you believe at times, and we believe at times, and I just want to encourage you with this today that you can do this just because you run up against a wall doesn't mean that it's there to stop you. You get to figure out how you get to smash that wall and get over that wall. I mean, think about Disneyland. When Walt built this thing, it was just orange groves, it was just it was dirt, and everyone told him you can't do it. But that didn't stop him. That discomfort led to his strength, and that's what happens when you embrace it instead of running from it. So I want you to make a decision today with me. Let's stop avoiding the things that we know are meant to strengthen us, not break us. Let's let's make a decision to stop avoiding the book. Me, I'm gonna write this book. I'm so excited to share with you this book. I'm I'm putting everything, my heart and soul. It's a lot of Disneyland, of course. It's it's it's my happiest place, and I'm gonna bring all of that. Uh, but I really want you to reimagine what's possible with me. I want you to read this book and come away from it and say, wow, I can really do anything I put my mind and heart to. Like I can really create my happiest place on earth. I can really reimagine my happily ever after. Yeah. And you know, writing this book, uh, it's not because I felt ready. Listen, you know I wanted to avoid. It's not because I suddenly feel qualified, but it's because I refuse to let avoidance control me. I'm tired of that. I'm tired of that, you know, comfort that keeps me safe. Like, I gotta do this. We got this one precious life to live. And I want to get to that end of the road, right? You know, you hear me talk about this, the castle when we're there, and I want to be able to look back and say, like, man, yeah, I I did it. I did everything. Yep, I failed here, I succeeded here, but I went after it and I gave it my all. Yeah, because I didn't allow avoidance to control me, and you're not gonna allow avoidance to control you. And and for you, it might not be a book, it might not be a podcast, maybe it's a conversation. Maybe it's taking that step today to say, you know what, I'm gonna at least take this small step today. Go for it. Maybe it's a dream that you've been putting off. Something that that you've been avoiding. What is it? What is the thing that you've been avoiding today, right now? And here's what I want to encourage you with. Here's what I want you to do. Don't overthink it. Don't try to fix everything because you you can't. Just take one step. One small step toward the thing you've been avoiding. Because what you avoid controls you. But what you face, that's what sets you free. That's what creates your happiest place on earth. That's what gets you to your happily ever after. It's powerful, isn't it? That what you face is actually the thing that sets you free. So, today, my friends, my reimagineers, my pals, my buddies, listen, if this episode spoke to you, would you share it with someone who needs it today? And and maybe this is your sign too, to stop waiting, to stop avoiding, and to start stepping into the life you were meant to live. I appreciate you so much. Much love to you. Have the best day ever. Let's go out there and live in the discomfort. All right, it's okay uh to be in that space sometimes because that's where the growth, that's where the healing, that's where the success happens. Okay, you got this. I'm cheering for you, I believe in you. Let's go, my dear friends. Until next time, keep dreaming, keep believing, and remember, remember always, you are the magic because the magic is in you.